How Do You Hurt?


Sometimes people think that other people don’t have it hard sometimes.

This is never true.

Some people have very positive mental attitudes and therefore it sometimes seems that everything always goes right for them.


But sometimes things don’t go as planned.

Sometimes people let you down.

Sometimes, we are sad or disappointed.


I am certainly no exception to this.

I’ve been accused of being always happy and consummately optimistic and, while I work hard to be these things; I don’t succeed all the time.

In confession, what bums me most is when I am really trying to help someone that I care about with something and feel like I’m failing.

Because Extreme Ownership is one of my core principals, I take a lot of ownership of what went wrong, perhaps sometimes too much, and it hurts me….


I share this transparently because I’m sure there’s something that hurts you sometimes too.

One of the ways I deal with hurt is to try and help somebody else; so I wrote this for you.

As a side note, I just got back in my office for a great talk with my campers that are testing today. They are so awesome and both they and the leadership that have been sowing into them have done an amazing job.

Today we were talking about the Blackbelt test and how it hurts me when someone gets to that level and fails, and that every teacher should feel that way.

When our students fail, we fail too.


But it is also true that it would be wrong to make the test easier for someone who won’t meet the standard.

Without the struggle, the lesson is lost.

Some of the blackbelts in the room talked about their experiences at their blackbelt tests and how hard each was and how much it grows them…..


You thought I went off track, didn’t you? 😉

I feared I may have too.

But now we are back to the issue.


In life, we go through things that hurt us.

Each time we do, these have the opportunity of moving to “the next training evolution”.

As I also told the students in my talk today, I used to say this just as something referring to the physical training in my krav maga classes; but later realized that life is like this too.

We go from challenge to challenge to pass the test and acquire the next lesson.

And while essential and ultimately helpful (if we do it right), the process can be painful.


So how do you hurt?

Here are a few of the things that I do to get through pain as quickly as possible:

  1. As I already told you, I focus on helping others.
  2. I allow myself some time to meditate in the hurt. What happened? What part did I play? What could I have done differently?
  3. Closely related, I take inventory of the part I couldn’t control. Focusing too much energy on that is counterproductive and frustrating.
  4. I communicate, with whomever else is part of the problem first and foremost, whenever possible; but also with someone else who really cares. That’s usually my wife Barbara.
  5. I make sure to learn whatever lesson I need to once I’m done processing the pain.
  6. I input positive into my mind- this morning I dug out one of my old Jim Rohn CDs to listen to on the way in.
  7. I resolve the issue, take the lesson, decide what’s important next and then get to work- both on whatever I need to do about the problem or lesson, and also on the rest of the good work I have to do in and about what I do- my mission of training students up in the way they should go. Prepare To Live, Empower To Lead.


Have a fantastic weekend.

We have camp testing today and then my Intensive Training Course this weekend.

Still a couple of slots left btw, if you’d like to join us.

And then next week I’ll be back out on the floor with my amazing Team rocking classes, inspiring and teaching and also, we’ll be conducting intro and orientation programs to welcome new and future students to the mission and tribe, as well as doing some renewal conferences and progress checks to help those ready to take next steps towards Blackbelt Leadership Excellence!

See, I’m fired up and ready to rock now!

Just had to write this letter to you!

I write too… I mean that’s another thing I do to get over hurt and focus on what I got to do.

What do you do?


Prepare To Live; Empower To Lead!

Grand Master Stephen J. Del Castillo
Founding Master Instructor, Krav Maga Martial Arts





About Grandmaster Stephen J. Del Castillo: Grandmaster Del Castillo is the founding Master Instructor of Krav Maga Martial Arts and has been empowering lives in Pasco and Hillsborough Counties since October of 2000. He is a 7th degree Blackbelt, MBA, author, mentor and success coach, a US Army Veteran and a proud father and grandfather. He is married to Ms. Barbara Del Castillo who helps him run the school. Grand Master Del Castillo began his training in the early 80’s and has high level blackbelts in Tae Kwon Do, Karate, Premier Martial Arts and Krav Maga Martial Arts as well as experience in kickboxing, Jeet Kune Do and Jiujitsu. He has high level instructor certifications from BBSI, IKMF, and KMG and has been featured in numerous Martial Arts publications and also Success magazine. He was a competitive sport karate and American Kickboxing instructor until he enlisted in the US Army where he served in the 82nd Airborne Division, where he won an Army Green to Gold scholarship and proceeded to ROTC and the University of Tampa. He was commisioned in 1992 and went on to serve in Germany with the 3rd Infantry Division and then in several other posts in the US until he left military service to pursue his dream of creating KMMA in 2000.

The Krav MagaMartial Arts Headquarters is in Lutz, FL at 1900 Land O’ Lakes Blvd., 33549. Krav Maga Martial Arts serves Lutz, Land O’ Lakes, Wesley Chapel, and surrounding areas.

See for more information and to order my book, Developing Your Superpower, Meditations on Mastery, Volume 1.

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